Dear President Trump,
I want to congratulate you on your extraordinary first days as president. The list of accomplishments achieved by your administration in such a short period of time is truly remarkable. Books will be written about your leadership skills and history will place you among the greatest of your predecessors.
I must admit that when we struck our agreement I had deep concerns about your ability to keep your end of the bargain. I wondered about your commitment and I was concerned as to whether you would have the resolve to stand up to the tremendous pressure and scrutiny that was certain to come. The path that we have chosen to take together is fraught with controversy. I have the advantage of being able to quietly eliminate those who might stand in my way. You on the other hand live in a strange society that allows the press and small minded dissidents to question the motives and decisions of brilliant leaders such as ourselves. I do not understand why you tolerate such insolence. But you have managed to overcome these obstacles and have succeeded beyond my wildest expectations. Bringing the world’s greatest democracy to its knees is no small feat; but you are well on your way.
When we first met it was clear to me that we shared the same beliefs. That due to our great personal success it was obvious that any policy that inured to our benefit would be mutually beneficial for the people. So together we focused on policies that would benefit us financially, secure in the knowledge that the masses would benefit as well. That we had to step on some toes along the way is just the natural course of business. That some people fell by the wayside owes more to their inability to help themselves than anything we did or failed to do. We cannot help everyone and we cannot allow compassion for the weaklings to deter us from our goals. Compassion and empathy have no place in politics or business. You understood this from the beginning and acted accordingly. I was concerned that like your predecessors you drone on about civil rights, gay rights, freedom of the press and other antiquated and inefficient ideologies that stand in the way of business and politics. But you surprised me by dismissing such nonsense out of hand. I am pleased.
I applaud the way that you have managed to label your press the enemy of the people. I was shocked you were so bold as to question the fairness of your judiciary, call into question the competence of your intelligence agencies and raise the alarm that your overly hyped electoral process might be rigged. You might have gotten a bit over your skis taking on a so called “Gold Star Family” and getting into a war of words with the Pope; but you pulled it off. I must admit that the way you disrespected your NATO allies was brilliant and your backing out of the Paris Climate Change Accord a stroke of genius. The United States is in total disarray. Her allies in retreat and her domestic policy rendered impotent. I cannot thank you enough.
While I applaud your many accomplishments there is one very important item remaining on the agenda. Sanctions. You promised to lift the sanctions as soon as you took office but yet they remain in force. My financial situation is such that such rudimentary financial restrictions are of no consequence. However there are a number of people in my inner circle that are being terribly inconvenienced by these sanctions. These knuckle draggers are as dangerous as they are critical to my operation and their continued loyalty is based to some extent on the promise that the monies they poured into your failing business ventures would be rewarded by the lifting of these onerous sanctions.
I am a patient man but my patience on this subject is wearing thin. I have kept my end of the bargain. I ordered the disruption of your election so that you might rise to power and I funded your failing business empire so that you might retain your gilded lifestyle. I have done my part. I encourage you to do yours…soon.
Never forget…Russian corrective measures are not limited to wrongheaded dissidents and annoying reporters.
Again, my congratulations on your accomplishments. I look forward to expanding our mutually beneficial relationship.